I know what you are thinking, you are thinking “A routine? A schedule? Where’s the fun in that?” (scary how I read your mind huh?). To answer your question before you skip my paper, let me start out with saying that ROUTINES and SCHELDUES will ensure your child picks out a better nursing home then the child whose parents always went by the seat of their pants. Chaos breeds chaos. If there is no plan for the average day in your home, you, your spouse and the neighbors cat will go insane by the time the oldest kid reaches five. Now I am not saying plan everyday in 15 minute increments, and I am not even saying that your routine will always be your routine. As time moves forward and families evolve, so do their routines.
I am going to assume you already have children and that you have yet to set a routine, that way my job is easier and I can tell you step by step what to do (yes that’s a demand, if you do not like demands, move on to the next chapter, then when you are sick of the chaos you come back to this part, because you will be back muahahahahaa).
First things first, take out a pen and paper and list the 3 biggest issues in your home that you wish to correct and or change. For example, my children are 11, 7 and 6 and our list looks like this
1. Follow directions.
My children tend to wait until they get to strike 2 and sometimes 3 before they will follow a request from us. Strikes are what I use to let my children know they are close to actual punishment.
2. No yelling, or fighting with each other.
Who am I kidding, they are siblings, they will fight but this makes it less, it is a rule in our home. I do not mind disagreements but to yell and fight with each other is degrading to each other. No one likes to be yelled at. I hope one day this rule actually becomes successful, although I wont hold my breath.
3. Follow the schedule.
How can this even be a rule you ask? Give it time, you will understand soon enough. You may not understand fully until after you have actually set the routine and see how they correlate with each other. # 3 is ALWAYS on my lists of rules. Yes, I said it, the above 3 items are rules of the house. I understand 3 rules does not seem like much, and well how can a house have order with only 3 rules? Just hold on it will come together soon and you will be all knowing.
Second order of business is to think about your daily lives, as in the things that you and your family must do everyday, or need to do everyday. This of course changes often, and that is fine, as a matter a fact it is encouraged. Life happens, things change. So back to thinking about everything you all do during the day , from the moment the tricycle motor’s wake up, and ending at their bedtime. Since right now is a school year my example schedule will reflect that (yes I am writing this while my kids learn their abc’s, after all it is not part of our “schedule” for me to write while they are visible). So take back out your pen and a new blank sheet of paper and get to work, yes you may use mine as a guide. (no need to thank me, I feel honored that you would look to me and my family for guidance)
0700 – 0730 – Wake up, Breakfast then cartoons
0745 – - School
0345 p.m. – 0400 – After school snack
0400 0600- Homework, chores, and then play time
0600 – Dinner
0700 – After dinner chore
0730 – Bath
0800 – Reading time
0830 – Bedtime
That is our Monday thru Friday routine, generally we stick to it, sometimes we don’t, the world wont stop spinning if you miss a day here or there when you can’t stick to the schedule. Although I will admit and encourage you by stating that the more we stick to this general list the better my children behave, and on the occasion we stray it is considered a treat and treated as such.
So you have your rules and schedule laid out, you may be asking yourself “well how am I going to introduce this to my family?” Don’t bother answering yourself, after all my Mimi says “A persons not crazy if they talk to themselves, they only are crazy when they answer” so I will save your mental health and tell you. Drum roll please The way to introduce this is by a family meeting. Yes you read that right, a family meeting, as a matter a fact I am going to ask that you pick either a Friday or Saturday for the first family meeting, and then *gasp* in four weeks you have another family meeting, and every four weeks after that for as long as you need them. Our family has one the first Friday of every month. Meetings generally are not much fun, however how else are you going to change the rules, or schedule without a meeting? Do you really want to in a fleeting moment as your passing each other shout out the rules, or would you prefer to tape a memo to the bathroom mirror? No you do not, because FINALLY in life, you will enjoy and even look forward to a meeting.
Just how can you make a meeting something everyone looks forward to? Its simple, first and foremost you start with a theme, each month the theme will be different, and of course once you find what as a family is enjoyed most you recycle the themes to where they begin to happen like clockwork. Heres some ideas for themes, but be sure to come up with some of your own, I really am taking a lot of the fun out of this by giving you the ideas.
Fiesta Night – Do it yourself nacho and taco bar, pinata, then sombrero dancing (make it up, your kids will not know the difference.
Pizza Party- Do it yourself pizzas, plenty of soda, balloons and streamers
A night at the movies- Hotdogs, popcorn and candy after the meeting is over, pile all the blankets in the family room and watch a movie.
The possibilities are endless for your themes and it is through these that make family meetings fun. It isn’t all about the fun though, you are having the meeting for a reason and that reason is to keep your family and household running on track. The first meeting is the most important as it will explain the reason, the need, and the importance of the ritual. If creativity fails you and you need help organizing the meeting here is a simple to follow guide.
1. One week prior to first meeting announce to your family that there will be a meeting at such and such time (do not actually tell them such and such, I simply used that wording as I am unable to determine the time you will have your meeting).
2. Set your theme but keep that part a secret, make sure you have a few decorations for the fun of it, after all this is your negotiations for having future successful meetings. Your first one will make or break everyone’s reaction so don’t screw this up (no pressure or anything)
3. Be prepared with your house rules, and your schedule. I also have an “official” talking stick, he who holds the stick may speak, the rest are required to listen, stick gets passed around with the raising of a hand (more on the later).
4. Have everyone sit at the table and say something (remember this is for the first one, other ones will start a bit different, I am sure by the second one you wont need any help thinking of the opener) like
” I bet you all have wondered what this whole family meeting thing is about?” (yes it is that simple) go on to explain … “that this is a time when we all sit down, every month and talk about issues in our lives, things we want different in the family, and things we want to keep the same. Also we will plan family vacations, birthday parties, and even give you kids a chance to state you case when you want to do something different, or want more privileges like a later curfew. There are some rules to this though, first and foremost this is a open forum, no one will laugh at you for what you say, nor will you be interrupted, this (hold up the nicely decorated stick) is the talking stick. If you are not holding the stick you are not talking, if you talk out of turn you owe the person your interrupting half your allowance” (that last part is a joke, make sure your kids know that it is or they may not ever talk during the meeting).
The first part of the meeting is the new family rules, this is where you read the rules, after the introduction of them explain why you feel your family needs this rule. Once all rules are read ask if there are any questions or if they have any ideas or feelings about the new rules. Explain to them that in a month you as a family will talk about the rules and how they worked. If you notice that you do not have to enforce a rule much you may change it to a new rule and if you notice that the rules are consistently not being followed and there has been no progress then you may add bigger consequences. This is your chance to find what does and does not work for your family. Also this gives your child the ability to give their input and help change things . When a child becomes part of the process they tend to be more apt to follow the rules.
A routine is the epicenter for daily life. However that does not mean you have no room for spontaneous actions and changes. I am not condemning you to a life of total control, however you will find once the habits are formed that life does seem to flow much better then when you are in total chaos. Sometimes I even plan my chaotic time, I plan spontaneous behavior! How is that possible you may ask? Well my family thinks that we are going outside my schedule when I announce a last minute vacation or shopping spree. It is a treat in their minds “Yahooooo Moms not conforming to the lists” however little does my family know that I have already planned it all in advance to make it go more smooth, because I have learned through trial and error that life is easier when there is a plan.
I also learned that its not always fun to live by a plan. Lets take for instance the summer vacation we have set for this year to Mount Rushmore. We are invited by my in-laws. The problem is my father in law does not like plans, he does not live by a schedule and definitely wont while on vacation. So in my little control freaked world I have planned a complete itinerary down to 30 minute increments, so anytime there is free moment I can “out of the blue”"suggest” such and such Get it? This way I control our trip while allowing my husband and his father a feeling that it’s a carefree spur of the moment activity. They will many times over the week have no idea where to go, or what to do, every meal they will mull over dining options I will when prompted spurt out “Ohhh I heard we can mine for Gold at ..”. It will not be until they read this that the spur of the moment side trips and restaurant choices have already gone through the “Mommy” test. They will instead enjoy every minute of the vacation, knowing they gave us all a relaxing vacation with no time constraints. All the while I know what we will be doing and roughly when. The difference for me, and for many moms would be that it will be okay if its not perfect, it will be fine when we go off track from “Moms plan”. Everyone wins. Lets look at the other side of it, what if I truly let this be an “at will” vacation? Lets see that would look a bit like this.
Kids 6.32 times per day “Mom, I’m bored”
Husband 3.1 times per day “What do you want to do?”
My response “How would I know I didn’t get to “plan” anything” (yes I would make the quote marks while speaking the word “plan” , I find that it really annoys people when you use sarcasm to tell them I told you so versus actually saying “Told you so”.
Me to husband 4.5 times per day either directly or indirectly “See I told you so, had you let me make a itinerary we wouldn’t have to listen to the kids being bored 6.32 times a day and we wouldn’t be stuck eating at McDonalds”
Husbands response to me “Well why does everything have to have a plan? Why cant we just relax when on vacation”
My response “Relax? Are you honestly stating you are relaxed while listening to the kids boredom? The only person who can relax is you, the kids are bored, I’m lost and I’m starving because I don’t eat McDonalds”
See the issues when I don’t make a plan? Shhhh I wouldn’t want it to get out though. I swear I could be spontaneous, just have got to fit that into the schedule!
