I was not born a follower…

Just when I think that I had the best day of my life, Tommy and Evan prove me wrong.  On my way to meet the boys I call Tommy to let him know I am at starbucks and what kind of coffee do they want… It is within this phone call I find out that I am going to be leading a bit today.  Was I more scared?  No, I actually knew I was ready to learn this part of the sport, I was not scared of climbing anymore, that fear turned into respect and love for this art.  I knew that we were going to walls that had 5.5s and really thats not much harder then the approach (slight exaggeration of course) so I knew I would be okay.  I could not surpress my joy and it made the drive to Reimers Ranch that much longer. 

Reimers is really a beautiful place.  Im dumbfounded at how close I live to this little bit of paradise.  I only saw a small portion of it, and I can not wait to discover more as I progress in this sport.  Our first spot was sex cave for a boulder problem that Evan and Tommy are working on for the comp.  They both did it and then Tommy says “okay your turn”.  Now ladies and gentlemen, I had at this point only 5 sport climbs…. now Tommy is telling me to hang upside down ?  He must be insane, but he couldnt have been to insane because I did get my body off the ground and I did start to actually do it.  However the ability was not there and I fell rather quick.  I did like hanging upside down though, and it was really fun mentally to try to solve it before even getting up.  It was a laydown start, in the dark, very interesting feeling that is.  I dont know if I will become a “boulderer” however I do know that it will be fun to find out if this part of the sport is something I can achieve.  So basically that means I will continue to try it until I can solve a few problems. 

Next we approach to “dead cats wall” and to the 5.5 called “Lisa the puamatic 6000 Kitty”.  Tommy was going to set up top rope, have me follow and set up my quick draws (minus rope clipping) and then come down.  I really liked this wall.  The textures of the rock were smooth, and crisp yet a millon avaliable holds no matter which way I climbed.  No problem getting up, no fear or freaking out whats so ever.  Once I get down Tommy asked if I was ready to lead and yup, I was more then ready.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I could lead this.  We once again went over the difference in risks of a lead versus the follow and I was off.  As I am making my way from bolt to bolt I realize that yes Im not going to be “the lead” for a long time, but dammit this is the most fun ever…..Each time I clip the rope in I feel power, each time I passed above it I started to mentally try to figure out how much Id fall including line stretch.  Remember this is only a 5.5 2 bolts 2 top anchors, so its pretty simple.  That however does not take from it being my first lead.  Evan got tons of pictures because at this point it is known that I want pictures of everything, from fresh morning dew to the setting of the sun and everything that happens between.  There really was an outstanding feel to looking above me and not having the rope in my site…. it was truly just me and the rock.  When the climb was complete I knew I was hooked (as if my last blog didnt represent that).  It started to get out to the others on nearby routes that I just did my first lead and got about 3 congrats from the group next door. 

Next we headed to “Clawing Zoe” 5.7 3 bolts 2 top anchors and again Tommy lead, I followed and clipped my quick draws, and came down.  This was alot of fun to follow on.  I did well, didnt use the rope at all and felt I was going to lead it well also.  I did great the first three bolts.  However as I was getting very close to the anchors I made a mistake of taking I high right foot where I should have done the high left.  I was secure in my position but  I could not figure out how to make it back to where I needed to be to anchor.  I got scared, and when I say scared, what I really mean is I started to get upset, calling to Tommy that I couldnt do it, and wanting nothing more then to have them come up and change the position of the top anchors for me.  I was yelling at the rock, I was pissed that I had failed, I couldnt figure out how far my fall would be, I had thought I passed the last bolt 6 feet ago but I might have been wrong….damn this stupid rock.  I started hearing Tommys encouragement, and other voices of those I didnt know, I look back and on either side of tommy the groups climbing had stopped what they were doing and were watching and encouraging me.  At that moment my legs stopped shaking and my arms stopped trembling and I figured it out, got anchor and told the rock “how do you like them apples” (Im a dork I know this)  When I got back on the ground before I was even off the rope a man I didnt know told me “Wow you are a inspiration” I looked at Tommy and had to hug him, I then told the man thank you, Ive never heard that before and dammit if my ego isnt huge now.  Damn best teacher in the world I have.  When the group realized it was only my second day of outdoor climbing and I already was leading, the looks on their faces seemed shocked and wow factored.  I asked Tommy “Am I moving to fast?  Should I be leading?” Tommy replied “What do you think?” I thought about it, and said “no Im not”

Next was “Hissing Cloe” a 5.8 with 3 bolts.  We were going to follow the same routine, Tommy top rope, me follow with quick draws, come down then men lead.  It was a beautiful climb.  This limestone has such a variety of feel, color and texture that each grip brings a new surprise visually and feel wise.  However when I got back down I had to tell Tommy I cant lead it, I was to tired and there was a moment where I wanted to and almost needed him to take and I wont lead something when following it, I almost needed the rope, at least not yet.  It was however a beautiful end to the sport climbing part of the day.  That did not end the day, but my fingers, and my body just hurt to much today to continue to write.  However the best part of my day happened after this, while Tommy and Evan made new problems of new boulders yet to be ascended….

My fingers are bloody, my body is bruised but my…

spirit is satisfied. Yesterday I made my first outdoor climbs on two different walls, 5 routes. I have always been scared of heights and so it doesnt make sense that I would skydive and climb rocks. However my goals in life are to fight my fears and win. When I started skydiving I fought fears but it did not help my fear of heights, if anything it made it harder to be off the ground unless I had a rig.

So I was introduced to some rock climbers and there my plan was hatched. I was to climb one day, stop being afraid and move on. Last thing I needed was another addicting sport in my life. That wasnt to be the case. As I sit here, typing with two fingers, letting the others rest due to them being swollen, bruised, and missing some layers of skin, I am finding that I NEED to go climb again and if I could go today I would.

My first route was a 5.6, which is very minor and probably considered an easy climb. At this point I had learned alot about how the gear works, and how the belayer and climber relate to each other. I was most fearful about putting my life in anothers hands. This is not something I have done ever. I do not need other people to protect me. However in rock climbing your life depends on the communication and skills of TWO people. In my life I have learned that its only me, I protect myself and not to rely on others. I was quite surprised that once I actually learned and saw how it works that my fear was unfounded. I trusted my belayer Tommy more then I can even describe. I think mostly due to the fact I had my first fall on my first climb about 10 feet off the ground. Actually I didnt fall at all, I just lost hold of the rock, my belayer had me. He saved me from broken bones. Right then and there I knew that this sport was for me, I knew that no matter what, I finally relied on someone else and he had me. It felt so great to know this, so many things healed in me in that very moment. I however was still freaked by how high I felt and that I literally fell within the first 5 mins of my first climb, but there was no way I was turning back. Tommy protected me from falling, now I must let him see his training at work, I will make it to the top and I will let him help me down. Back to the rock, I slowly made my way to the top. Although it was only a 5.6 it was MY 5.6. I didnt see the holds, I felt like I was flailing around clinging to the rock. Tears at different moments because every so often I had to stop and Tommy had me practice my way down and would have me look at the ground, and I did it. I hated it , hated every moment of it…. Until I reached the top, turned around, and saw Tommy grinning ear to ear. I DID IT. As I was walking down the wall being lowered by Tommy, I was looking at the rock, all of a suddan I start seeing all these holds, three finger grips, where my toes could have been etc etc…. I started seeing the rock and how it could be climbed. It was a rush, it hit me and it was the first thing after the high five I told him. I saw the rock.

The next route was a 5.8. However it looked MUCH taller then the 5.6 I was just on. I was okay though I knew I could do it, and I started climbing in my head before I even stepped on the rock. I saw where the right hand would go and my right foot, I knew when Id have to make a long reach. I was in the climb before I was in the climb. I get my shoes on, which by the way are way to tight and hurt until you get on the rock itself. The part that was hard and out of sight about halfway up was very intimidating to me, I had to trust my feel, and Tommys words from below. And I did just that. After a bit of crying and whispering I want down I made it. I whispered my grievences so Tommy didnt hear, I didnt want to actually come down. It was a battle between my mind and my body and my mind won. Looking down still was a battle, coming down was a bit scarey still. Another high five, some belaying (which I hear I did well at as well because although I had a back up they didnt need to take over) and a feeling of complete self.

Next route was my first 5.10. On the ground Tommy told me when I got to the spot that I already was freaking about, that if I listen to him I will make it past. To listen and put my feet and hands just how he said and I will do it. It was hard, it sucked, and I screamed a few times when I slipped. I had tears and I wanted to vomit and I hated this stupid rock. I look down and see Tommy closer, he came up on the first ledge to be closer to help talk me over. I did okay, and made it with alot of help from Tommy, but I made it also because of me. I listened to him, I trusted him, I knew I could beat the rock. I knew he was with me every step of the way. I knew I could do this. On the way down I started having alot of fun, coming down is a blast. Just sitting in the air, with your feet on the wall. I noticed I wasnt nearly as scared at being up high and dammit this is the most fun I have ever had. How can that be possible?

On the second wall we went to called “Meet the flintstones” I really was excited to get up it. I was problem solving on the ground, I knew I wanted this rock. He was a 5.9. On the way up, I was having a blast, grunting to fight the pain in my arms, hands, fingers, legs and toes. I loved this rock. I loved this spot of Barton creek. I loved this sport. We all knew I passed my limit already but it was me who kept pushing myself. I told Tommy on the ground that Im reaching my limits limit and I hope I can make it but I might not. I never give up on things in life, ever. Its not something I can do. I cant have unfinished business so this was a weird feeling to me, to actually accept that I will not succeed and actually still try it. I sat there before climbing and explained I want to try to but I do not think Ill be making it to the top. I was actually okay with saying “dude I wont be able to finish this but hey Im gonna what I can” I made it past the first anchor (this is a old route and that first ones pretty high, Tommy who does the maintence on the routes said they should be replaced and re-routed) but getting past that first one was a blast. Theres so many things I noticed, from the various colors of the layers, to the different textures of the surfaces, I could see and feel my holds before I got to them. I was becoming part of the rock. I wanted to at least make it to the second anchor because that would mean I got past the hard part for me. I got really close, and I probably could have touched it if I just reached a bit further. However all at once my whole body told me that I was done, completley washed of all energy and endurance, I was done. I wasnt upset, I didnt feel like a failure because I didnt get there, I felt satisfied of my journey and knew that me and “meet the flintstones” will come together another day.

Tommy and Evan did one more climb on the 5.12a (I think that is what she was) and it was a beautiful piece of rock at that. Even if I hadnt given up on the last route there would not have been a chance for me to climb this. Its just way out of my realm, but I watched, and I took pictures and I knew that one day that will be me. I started seeing Tommy and Evans moves and seeing them as art. They were creating art, melding their bodys to nature and it was a thing of beauty. Of all the pictures that day, this is my favorite. To me it captures a moment in my life, where I fought and won fears I knew I had and even some I didnt realize were a problem.

I dont know where this journey will take me, all I know is that in 6 hours yesterday my life changed. I saw things in myself that I never thought existed. As I lay to try to sleep last night, all I saw was my movements of the day, all I heard was the communication between me and my belayer, all I felt was pure satisfaction of who I am, what I am and what I can do. Although tomorrow I climb again, I know in my heart that no matter where I go with this hobby, that everything I did yesterday does define who I am. I am strong, mentally, physically, and emotionally and no one will ever take that away from me.